Sniglets-The book that changed my social life.

Hey guys , so guess what ,on this day in 1783 - The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S. by Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post" (WELL ON THE DAY IM WRITING THIS WHICH IS INFACT THURSDAY -EVEN THOUGH THIS IS BEING PUBLISHED ON SATURDAY EBCAUSE I  HAVE EXPLORED THE WONDERS OF BLOGGER TO ITS FULL POTENTIAL)

 

Can anyone guess todays blog theme.No.Ok. well its Words .

What on earth spurred me to maKe a blog about words ?. Well , I have been told in the past , believe it or not, that I talk to much (which you can probably gather from my very long winded posts about nothingness) and also I have a tendency to make up my own words when I can’t think of the right one to express my emotions.
I think this condition stemmed from one of my favourite childhood books-Sniglets.Now most British people won’t know what this book is or what its about so I will explain my addition to you.

Sniglets is a series of books written by Rich Hall and Friends ( The dude of QI and would I lie to you, mock the week etc) And the definition is it is that it contains any word that dosent appear in the dictionary, but should.

 

So as a young child my mum introduced this book to me after I’d just learned all my words , which totally fu**** me up because all these new words added to my vocabulary and then I used to get told at school that these words didn’t exist which mucked me up even more than the fail I was before.

 

Its one of those books that literally make you burst out belly laughing because it couldn't be more relatable to your life. I promise you something in these books will make you go ‘ I KNOW RIGHT’

I really am a book geek and I don’t really get it when people say they don’t read books because they are boring. Books is such a general area I don’t think you can rule books out can you –maybe a genre but not all books. I hate really emotional books and horror’s but I love comedians autobiographies and books like Sniglets and diary of a wimpy kid –I also like a good romance or shopaholic book.

 

So let me give you a few of my favourite examples from Sniglets that best represent me-

Banectomy (bah nek’ to mee)     n. The removal of bruises form a banana

Chain Gang Walk (chain gang wok)   n  Activity observed in the footwear section of cheap department stores where the shoes are wired together ‘”for your convenience”

Darf (darf)   n  The least attractive side of the Christmas tree that ends up facing the wall.

Flarpswitch  (flar-p-switsh) n   The one light switch in every house with no function what so ever.

Foys (foyz) n  Missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that you later find stuck to your lower arm

GrantNap (grant’nap) n  The extra five minutes sleep that you allow yourself in the morning that somehow makes all the difference,

Loggium (log’yum)  n   Water that drips from ones nose hours after swimming

Oopzama (eup’ za muh) n  Sudden scratching of the scalp or face upon sudden realisation that who you were waving to wasn’t who you thought it was.

Pajangle (pah jan’ gul) n  Condition of waking up to find your pyjamas have twisted 180 degrees.

Pigslice (pig’slys) n  The last unclaimed piece of pizza that everyone is secretly dyeing for.

Scribblics (skri’blics) n. The warm up exercises designed to get the ink flowing in your pen.

Squigger (swig’uhr) n A cherry tomato that explodes upon contact with a fork.

 

So I hope that gave you all a laugh –order it now ok and if you don’t like it I’ll give you a refund. (no not really I'm not made of money don’t you know,)

And to finish I thought I’d share a few of my original Sniglets with you guys -

 Parental Blushems—The awkward silence between you and your friends parent when they go for a wee.

Triggleglicts-The very last drops of your M.C. Donald's milkshake that you expertly suck out from the ridge ‘s of the bottom of the cup.

CoolKidtips– The hard skin that forms on the end of a Guitar players fingers and indicates you have no social life.

Namelessness– When you put your cup down at a party and realise so did everyone else.

The Rumble—That urge to stop your belly rumbling in an exam that altimetry backfires.

 

Thanks for reading once again and hope you enjoyed this weeks recommendation and instalment about books –I have a few ideas for weekly blogs but feel free to write any idea in the comments section if you so feel like it. And just remember myeyebrowsaredark.

 

Its ok to hate life- negativity is the new way forward.

Hey guys , so I'm not the new kid on the block anymore wayhey (apparently wayhey isn't a word says Microsoft office—yes ,I write this on Microsoft Office be impressed ok– its telling me to change it to woohoo , but that sounds to enthusiastic to me –no-one really says woohoo do they , wayhey is more casual-right?-ok—so click ignore and I will just get extremely irritated by that red line later-but lets deal with that situation when it comes !

 

Anyway back to topic , I have been MEGALLY (no idea if that’s how you spell it , all you need to know is that its an important word because its in capitals) busy this week. We know what we are lie ladies—um I’m guessing its females reading this, if not welcome men– and I have been trying desperately to think of a topic for my blog—as its so popular and so many people are reading , people are just fawning over me crying out when are you writing your next blog. So I decided I needed to think of an interesting topic to please my fans– yknow—because I don’t want to disappoint them.

So after reading a few other people blogs about positivity and loving being you I have decided...

A drum roll and a fig roll people as todays topic is … Its ok to hate your life.

 

Every day , all day people expect us to smile and enjoy life but sometimes things get in the way and life sucks balls –yknow.

And sometimes ,lets just think of a random universal example here, your on a Duke of Edinburgh expedition—just a general topic, need to go for a wee lets say and um maybe you go round a wall of bushes and think your weeing in private with 2 of what you think are your friend shielding you—because everyone does it—yknow similar to the towel wrapping small changing room thing everyone does on the beach—and just by coincidence a hidden train track is revealed as a slow tram going at about ridiculous miles per hour drives past about a few feet away and lets just say the people who were supposedly shielding you with their lives drop down laughing and you are totally exposed to a tram slash train full of passengers who laugh and wave at you halfway through pissing.

Now this you say be positive about—but sometimes you just cant can you. And with a situation like this I think, yknow, its ok to break down crying and to be mentally scarred for life as a train full of people laugh at you! Remember be negative.

Um so that’s just a universal example of how being a clutz can suck . I’D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT NOW THAT NONE OF THESE STORYS HAVE ANY CONNECTION TO ME OR MY LIFE .Like I said before these are just general examples.

Example 2—when its okay to cry yourself to sleep and eat  5 deep fried mars bars for comfort

Your at a sports day. You are the most unsporty person possible living. But your class has forced you to take in at least one race. You choose the sack race thinking out of all he races you might have a chance at not coming last because you know the overweight kid in the other class is taking part in this event. You train for weeks eating packets of crisps and using the bags as sacks. When the day comes you are focussed—this is what all those weeks of training have lead up to. Your class is doing brilliantly well and is coming 1st overall so far—all they need is one more victory to secure 1st place all together. Guess who’s turn it was? Not mine obviously because this is a general example. You are poised at the start line , the gun shot firs and you are off to a blazing start as expected you take over the overweight kid and surprisingly speed into first place, your technique is exceptional for your age , finally you have around 5 metres and you feel like a don as you start deciding on your winners victory pose when suddenly you slip  and comically fall to the floor –THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS WATCHING– everyone overtakes you so you pretend to be injured and that you can’t get up to hide the fact that you lost. You think the embarrassment has passed until you stand up and realise that your shorts had come down when you fell to the floor and you are wearing your Barbie knickers

.

This is again another example where you should BE negative. Feel ashamed for your whole life , live  a life of shame and  misery as you desperately try to forget the event that ruined your social life.

How about a more upbeat example?

Your eating a fruit salad-like we people do– and you are savouring the variety of exotic chunks entering your gullet. A strawberry , a grape , a segment (would you call it a segment?) of pineapple when suddenly a comment you hear tickles your ribs and you snort with laughter—what a shame you have just eaten a piece of melon at the same time and suddenly the melon chokes you and weeeee… travels up the helter-skelter which is your nose and mouth pipes (technical term there guys) and pops out of your nostril in a gloopy melon like form—when just at the moment a  random citizen walks past and says “what the f***’ like your some kind of mutated creature. Not a good day.

 

So by now you’ve probably guessed that—yes—ok—I’ll admit it—these stories are about me and to be honest this is just scitchy scratching the surface of what is the disaster of my life.

Someone said to me the other day—’you were ruined when you were born’ (which may I add is not very nice) and my reply was quite original I do believe uhhum *clears throat as the audience wait in awe for a brilliant answer*

‘To ruin something means you must have something to ruin begin with , and believe me I was born with nothing’  Quotation_ myeyebrowsaredark

And yes feel free to live by this motto.

 

*Also may I just add all my life changing stories are copyrighted—so no trying to sell them to big magazines are anything because I'm onto you.

Ok so that’s about it and in all serious guys , I am a very positive person , I always smiles asy hello to people and try to make the most out of things but some things do hurt or are embarrassing and its ok to be negative– wow that’s deep-yes I know because I'm a deep person—sorry im talking to myself again.

Thank you for wasting your precious time reading my life—please keep fawning over me , I’m loving the attention from all these readers and just remember myeyebrowsaredark.

 

 

Welcome to my world.

Hey guys so your probably wondering who is this eyebrow kid. Why is she talking in 3rd person and what is she going to do to improve my life.

Well heres your answer you saucy ducks out there , i am going to ...

 

uhhh....

 

to be honest I'm not really sure yet

But I'm guessing it will be a mix of fashion , music and general teenage tips that everyone else is afraid to share. I will warn you now my speeling is ap-aul-ing (is that how you spell it?) *shouts to mum* mum doesn't listen - asks the pool of all knowledge that is Google.

 

um yeah this is what Google says -

ap·pall·ing

/əˈpôliNG/

Adjective

Awful; terrible.

Synonyms

dreadful - terrible - horrible - frightful - appaling

 *May I add this doesn't mean I'm wrong - i just need to let him think he has one over on me sometimes. You will probably see allot off appearances from him. I love how I've already decided its a HE :)*

 

Well why don't we do a 20 question about me—I will ask the questions and then me will answer them … ok. I warn you I am don at answering my own questions

1. What is your real name?  Uhhh you stalker you. Its Fenella—that sounds like Vanilla.

2. How are you so awesome? Well you see , I guess its just something that comes naturally to me.Youknow. When I came out of the womb I did the Harlem shake and from then on people have just been drawn towards me like a magnet.

3. What's your favourite nut?  Wow that’s such a creative question—I like your style. Um I’d probably say a monkey nut because I mean—who names a nut after a monkey—only someone who knows what they’re talking about I think.

4. Why are you so bad at spelling? Whoa—what is this—like harass me day. No comment—next question

5. Do you have a best friend? Um , I don’t want to create a sob story you know , because I don't think its right that that shines through my talent but um. Basically I'm a loner . I sit by myself. There's been times when I’m like—a banana a day can’t be your only friend you know. And you know I get teased allot for saying You know allot , you know. *I just want to clarify that part of this is true and part of it is not—decide for yourself either way—but the real answer to this question is I don’t have one group of firiends I like having loads of people I talk to and having different friends for when you need different things—like a have a really deep friend I can talk to and a bigbangtheory fan girl friend I can talk to—because at the end of the day no-one can truly put up with everyone's traits all the time—I find by doing this I am much happier and more confident in my self*

6. How important is fashion in your life? Umm well , basically I have taken art textiles and I love presenting things in all art subjects so to me fashion is like art work. I'm sure you will see some of my crazy outfits over the course of my blog. I'd say my personal taste is not like anybody else's. And that’s how its meant to be with fashion its your personal choice. LET ME JUST TELL YOU ALL KNOW IF ANYONE CLAIMS IM INDIE THEY ARE WRONG BECAUSE CALLING ME INDIE IS LIKE CALLING ME  NOT– INDIE .

7. What about make up—are you a goddess.? Good Question, I like you—I wouldn’t say im a goddess and I just want to clarify to people now at school I DO NOT WEAR MAKE-UP making me one of the only people in my school no to. I will explain why later during my blog but lets just say it’s a mixture of allergy ,not trying to impress anyone and can’t be bothered.

8. Are you a fat kid? Bit rude but anyway– my answer id yes—I am a fat kid because I love my food—I have taken catering and people can call me posh kid—however many times they like it will not stop me from eating olives and balsamic glaze.

9. Why haven’t you written a blog before—and why are you writing one now? You know what kiddo , it’s a mixture of things , people always comment I'm funny and likeable and that id be really big on the internet—so that’s one reason. The second reason is I am an utter disaster zone and I have so many stories to tell. Another reason is I need to improve my spelling for my English exams so I thought writing a blog might help with that. Another reason is I love my presenting and graphics so I can hopefully make it look nice and also because its fun isn't it :)-yeah that’s what I thought.

10. Well I've got to 10 questions and I really can’t be bothered to waste my time asking you twenty because your not giving very good answers are you? So lets make this the last one…   Why are your eyebrows so dark? Um well that’s actually quite offensive and I have been giving good answers so youknow.And that’s actually quite hurt my feelings. So . Um just give me a second……………

I'm glad this happened because now all of you readers out there *because there's so many of you* can see how I get beaten up about my physical appearance yeah. And my answer to that question is because I spread marmite on them to be more in with the kids alright.

Well now you know a bit more about me and how I talk to myself in my spare time—I’d like to leave you with a though that my wise friend once came up with…

 If you grill a cucumber does that make it a courgette, a gherkin or well just a grilled cucumber?

Thank you for reading what goes on in this head of mine and just remember myeyebrowsaredark.