Its ok to hate life- negativity is the new way forward.

Hey guys , so I'm not the new kid on the block anymore wayhey (apparently wayhey isn't a word says Microsoft office—yes ,I write this on Microsoft Office be impressed ok– its telling me to change it to woohoo , but that sounds to enthusiastic to me –no-one really says woohoo do they , wayhey is more casual-right?-ok—so click ignore and I will just get extremely irritated by that red line later-but lets deal with that situation when it comes !

 

Anyway back to topic , I have been MEGALLY (no idea if that’s how you spell it , all you need to know is that its an important word because its in capitals) busy this week. We know what we are lie ladies—um I’m guessing its females reading this, if not welcome men– and I have been trying desperately to think of a topic for my blog—as its so popular and so many people are reading , people are just fawning over me crying out when are you writing your next blog. So I decided I needed to think of an interesting topic to please my fans– yknow—because I don’t want to disappoint them.

So after reading a few other people blogs about positivity and loving being you I have decided...

A drum roll and a fig roll people as todays topic is … Its ok to hate your life.

 

Every day , all day people expect us to smile and enjoy life but sometimes things get in the way and life sucks balls –yknow.

And sometimes ,lets just think of a random universal example here, your on a Duke of Edinburgh expedition—just a general topic, need to go for a wee lets say and um maybe you go round a wall of bushes and think your weeing in private with 2 of what you think are your friend shielding you—because everyone does it—yknow similar to the towel wrapping small changing room thing everyone does on the beach—and just by coincidence a hidden train track is revealed as a slow tram going at about ridiculous miles per hour drives past about a few feet away and lets just say the people who were supposedly shielding you with their lives drop down laughing and you are totally exposed to a tram slash train full of passengers who laugh and wave at you halfway through pissing.

Now this you say be positive about—but sometimes you just cant can you. And with a situation like this I think, yknow, its ok to break down crying and to be mentally scarred for life as a train full of people laugh at you! Remember be negative.

Um so that’s just a universal example of how being a clutz can suck . I’D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT NOW THAT NONE OF THESE STORYS HAVE ANY CONNECTION TO ME OR MY LIFE .Like I said before these are just general examples.

Example 2—when its okay to cry yourself to sleep and eat  5 deep fried mars bars for comfort

Your at a sports day. You are the most unsporty person possible living. But your class has forced you to take in at least one race. You choose the sack race thinking out of all he races you might have a chance at not coming last because you know the overweight kid in the other class is taking part in this event. You train for weeks eating packets of crisps and using the bags as sacks. When the day comes you are focussed—this is what all those weeks of training have lead up to. Your class is doing brilliantly well and is coming 1st overall so far—all they need is one more victory to secure 1st place all together. Guess who’s turn it was? Not mine obviously because this is a general example. You are poised at the start line , the gun shot firs and you are off to a blazing start as expected you take over the overweight kid and surprisingly speed into first place, your technique is exceptional for your age , finally you have around 5 metres and you feel like a don as you start deciding on your winners victory pose when suddenly you slip  and comically fall to the floor –THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS WATCHING– everyone overtakes you so you pretend to be injured and that you can’t get up to hide the fact that you lost. You think the embarrassment has passed until you stand up and realise that your shorts had come down when you fell to the floor and you are wearing your Barbie knickers

.

This is again another example where you should BE negative. Feel ashamed for your whole life , live  a life of shame and  misery as you desperately try to forget the event that ruined your social life.

How about a more upbeat example?

Your eating a fruit salad-like we people do– and you are savouring the variety of exotic chunks entering your gullet. A strawberry , a grape , a segment (would you call it a segment?) of pineapple when suddenly a comment you hear tickles your ribs and you snort with laughter—what a shame you have just eaten a piece of melon at the same time and suddenly the melon chokes you and weeeee… travels up the helter-skelter which is your nose and mouth pipes (technical term there guys) and pops out of your nostril in a gloopy melon like form—when just at the moment a  random citizen walks past and says “what the f***’ like your some kind of mutated creature. Not a good day.

 

So by now you’ve probably guessed that—yes—ok—I’ll admit it—these stories are about me and to be honest this is just scitchy scratching the surface of what is the disaster of my life.

Someone said to me the other day—’you were ruined when you were born’ (which may I add is not very nice) and my reply was quite original I do believe uhhum *clears throat as the audience wait in awe for a brilliant answer*

‘To ruin something means you must have something to ruin begin with , and believe me I was born with nothing’  Quotation_ myeyebrowsaredark

And yes feel free to live by this motto.

 

*Also may I just add all my life changing stories are copyrighted—so no trying to sell them to big magazines are anything because I'm onto you.

Ok so that’s about it and in all serious guys , I am a very positive person , I always smiles asy hello to people and try to make the most out of things but some things do hurt or are embarrassing and its ok to be negative– wow that’s deep-yes I know because I'm a deep person—sorry im talking to myself again.

Thank you for wasting your precious time reading my life—please keep fawning over me , I’m loving the attention from all these readers and just remember myeyebrowsaredark.